Tonight I am feeling sad – poignant – oldest son – 25 – has been home with us for 2 and half weeks and is heading back to London, England tomorrow. He loves it there and I’m happy for him but it is such a big ocean between us.
We’ve had a lovely time over the holidays -all five children home. Laughter, food, board games until the wee hours, a lot of funny “remember whens” – a house bursting at the seams with teenagers and 20 somethings.
Is it my age or what? but I keep looking at them and remembering when they were little and it brings me to tears. I miss when they were small and tucked up every night in bed. I loved to go in and pray over them while they slept – such a depth of love and longing that each one would be safe in the Lord – and would love and serve Him with all their hearts.
I miss their little voices – their funny stories – their sweet expressions of love. One little story keeps coming to mind- my middle boy seeing me in my slip with a lacy edge saying with awe “Mommy you’re so beautiful”
Maybe that’s it…although I am indescribably proud of the wonderful young men and woman that my children are becoming I miss being at the center of their world…
They have been the center of my world for so long.
What a gift to be a mother. We carry them in our bodies for nine months – protecting them as they grow and develop – bring them into the world in pain and tears but with such joy – tenderly feed them from our own bodies nestled close to our hearts. Who can ever forget those sweet, little faces – the tiny hand touching our cheek – the sweet little milky grins? We watch them grow – wipe away their tears – treasure the little love offerings – the dandelions clutched so proudly in the grubby fist – the crayon drawings on the fridge – the school reports – the hockey trophies – the music festival ribbons.
We agonize with them in their disappointments – the hurts.
And we pray – has anything motivated me more to pray than love for these five treasures from the Lord? Nothing… thank You Father.
And then we launch them out into the world.
I see them go so bravely and eagerly
and though they go I am still holding them – right in my heart – always.
I have only one prayer – that He who gave them to me will be the center of their lives.
” I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.”
I have been so happy being the mother of these children and it feels so hard to let them go – though I will – even smiling through these tears. I’m not the center any longer and I really don’t want to be. This is as it should be.
just tonight it feels hard…